have you ever felt so lost and so vulnerable that you feel like hugging your knees together hiding in a corner like a little child hoping that you might just be invisible to the big bad world with its big bad people and big bad things? hoping that there's some sort of comfort to be found in hugging your soft toy as tightly as possible but your 'best friend' which has always been faithful up to this very point, just isn't offering much? even hiding under your oh-so-protective quilt isn't helping. is that a sign that something is wrong or do you need a more glaring hint that all is not well?
i know that the world isn't crumbling down. sometimes all we need is a sincere smile that reaches inviting eyes on a cloudy day, other times, we might need a big bear hug to shield us when the rain is pouring down our face, occasionally, we would even long all that and some kind sugar-coated words to soothe our frayed nerves from the frightening thunderstorm over-head. but then again, will there be someone there to offer us those simple things, yet things which at that point of time mean the world to us? what if there isn't? will we be lost, never to be found ever again?
it's devastating and strangely funny that it's much easier to type a post and post it on a blog that you figure no one ever reads, while taking refuge in the fact that at least you got some of it, no matter how little of it, out of your system, much easier in fact than to voice out your many insecurities to the people that matters most to you. maybe because by doing that you are opening more and more windows to your heart and your soul that you are too afraid to show, even to yourself? because onced opened, the windows could not be closed. our heart and soul, the depth of us, is laid bare. what if they don't like what they saw? what if we should have been stronger? what if they thought we were a better person than we actually are? what if...? most of the time, with most people, we just figure that the risk is too much to take because what we are most insecure about is, in fact, ourselves!
but when you pause and pull yourself out of that pit of pitch black darkness and gloom that you blanketed yourself with, you should wonder, those people can easily be every bit just as insecure as we are. maybe it's time to inject some self confidence into ourselves and some trust in others, easier said than done i know, but maybe we too have judged them too harshly, maybe just maybe, they will love what they see cos deep down we are still the beautiful person that they once saw. and along the same note, just to be fair, they might just want us to see them as they really are too, to see them as the wonderful person that we once thought they were.
i'm off to wallow more in my misery and self-pity with my "best friend" and my quilt while you hopefully give a thought to the mess that i have written.
